Why is talking about behaviour so hard? (And how to fix it)

In the last 12 months, have you had to ask a team member to change a behaviour more than once? Maybe more than twice?

Let’s be honest—talking about behaviour is uncomfortable.

We don’t want to sound nitpicky.

We hope they’ll just get it after the first conversation.

But when they don’t? We end up having the same talk again. And again.

If you’re repeating the message, the message isn’t landing.

That’s frustrating for you.

It’s frustrating for them.

And worse—it’s holding your school back.

Behaviour conversations are tougher than performance ones. It’s easier to help someone improve their marking than to change their attitude.

If behaviour is the issue, here’s what can help:

Be crystal clear. Instead of saying “You need to be more professional,” say, “I need you to stop rolling your eyes when colleagues speak in meetings.”
Don’t soften the message. We avoid directness because we don’t want to sound harsh—but vague feedback doesn’t lead to change and it can confuse the other person.

💡 Pro tip: If you’re worried about sounding too harsh, remember—clarity is kindness.

If they don’t understand exactly what needs to change, they can’t improve.

Want to learn exactly how to do this? That’s what we cover in my Successful Difficult Conversations Training Day.

Worried about talking to someone about their behaviour? Check out this 2-minute top tip by clicking the image below.

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