You know the moment.
You share a concern about a child’s behaviour — and the parent insists:
“My child would never do that.”
Inside, you know the evidence is there.
But you don’t want to come straight out with, “You’re wrong.”
What can you do?
Use the anchor of evidence.
1️⃣ Gather several pieces of evicence
One incident is easy for a parent to dismiss.
But triangulated evidence — different sources, different moments, all pointing to the same picture — that’s different.
A record from the class teacher.
A note from lunchtime staff.
Your own observation.
This combined evidence is much harder to refute.
2️⃣ When they disagree — and you know they’re wrong…
Acknowledge their perspective while holding to the facts:
“It seems we have different perceptions of what happened. Let’s look at what we’ve seen, and work out together what’s best for your child.”
3️⃣ Get as concrete as possible.
Some heads share CCTV footage.
One invited a parent to observe their child at break time — a child who, according to the parent, was “always polite and well-behaved.”
The parent watched quietly from a classroom window. Within five minutes, they saw their child shove another pupil out of the way to get to the football, snatch the ball, and yell in their face.
4️⃣ If you can’t go concrete…
Ask: “What would convince you that this issue is real?”
This can be illuminating — and gets the parent to think about why they’re not accepting the evidence you’re giving them.
Triangulated, concrete evidence keeps the conversation grounded — and stops it becoming a battle of opinions.
If you’d like some help having better difficult conversations with parents, check out my free ebook ‘Successful difficult conversations with parents: a guide for teachers‘
Here’s to calmer conversations, rooted in the facts,
Sonia ❤️
P.S. Next week: one of the most useful parent-conversation tools in your school is probably sitting in a file somewhere, unused. I’ll show you how to put it to work.
If a parent conversation like this is playing on your mind right now, don’t wait for my tips to land — just get in touch, we might be able to help. Simply reply to this email or go to Contact us – Heads Up.